i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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