he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
