she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
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Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
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Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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