Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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