You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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