so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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