Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
