At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
