So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
