Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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