I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
