I want to have your abortion
Please, let me fuck your mom
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
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Some one left their pants in the elevator.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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