I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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