Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have surprise drugs for everyone
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Is this like a preordered booty call?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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