Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
