Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
