Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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