I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
