just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
