I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
