seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
