can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
