look no pants
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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