Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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