Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
