I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
