My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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