My first STD was from a foam party
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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