Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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