Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
