dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
