Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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