dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
