Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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