it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
