i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
