apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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