i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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