ugly people sure do ruin things
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
