I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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