well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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