So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
