Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
