my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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