My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
