our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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