how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
