he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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