I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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