so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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