omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
