If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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