She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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