SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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