When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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