For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
