he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
