Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
