There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
