I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
