well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
