so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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