It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
