dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
...so i touched it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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