New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
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