these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
where does the pee come out of this thing
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
