I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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