Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
