shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
