I just made out with a guy for $7.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
