i can't believe i had my finger in that
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
