Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
